Eat Me, Drink Me 24: Cat Out of the Bag

Although everyone in Seirin’s basketball club already knew that those who were addressed by the title of ‘Generation of Miracles’ were all a bunch of remediless weirdoes, including the ‘Phantom Sixth Player’ that was now their teammate, the conversation that they were about to have with two of them came completely out of the left field and surely didn’t cut corners in making them seem even more ‘special’ than the rest of the basketball players – in one too many different ways.

“I’m… really touching Murasakibara Atsushi right now and not a miniature robot… right?” hesitantly asked Hyuuga, softly nudging the small version of Murasakibara with his finger as if touching an unknown life form.

“Yes, that’s without a doubt Murasakibara Atsushi, Hyuuga-senpai…” sighed Kagami, already dead tired so early in the morning. It had been a huge headache to explain the current circumstances revolving around both teams in this week-long training and four other more which contained the remaining ex-players of Teikou Middle School’s basketball club.

“So… that whole story of all six of them having been cursed by… magical jelly beans… is all true?” asked Hyuuga next, lifting his eyes from the tiny Murasakibara male to look over to the two redheads that had been tentatively explaining the situation – although, for as surprising as it may sound, Kagami was being the one easiest to understand at that moment.

“It isn’t,” acknowledged Akashi with a soft nod of his head, even though his words came as a denial. “We haven’t been cursed and, hence, we now need to avoid confessing to the person we are currently despising.”

“Right… Kagami, translation, please!” requested Hyuuga in a panicky manner, his face growing pale due to the threatening pressure that Akashi and his renewed heterochromatic eyes were putting not only him but all of his team.

“To put it simply, if all six of them confess to the person they’re currently crushing on, the curse will be broken,” explained Kagami with an exasperated groan. “Each one of them has a different curse. As you can see, Murasakibara shrank, Kise is half dog now, Midorima seems to have life-threatening bad luck, Aomine… well, he’s no longer a he personality-wise. And, as you can also see, this Akashi says the opposite of everything he means to say while the other Akashi can only speak in idioms.”

“I have been lying this whole time, just so you know, Taiga,” said Akashi, a deep frown on his features as he sideways glanced at Kagami.

“This whole conversation actually explains the weird conversation I had on the phone with Akashi-kun to arrange this joint practice,” acknowledged Riko, softly nodding her head in agreement as the dots of so many things finally started being linked together. “And it also explains Kuroko-kun’s current weird behaviour and utter lack of basketball skills. What’s his curse?”

“Ah… Um… I-I don’t think Kuroko would like it if I were to say it out loud to anyone…” mumbled Kagami, averting making eye contact with any of his teammates while covering Murasakibara’s microscopic mouth by tightly grabbing onto his head, out of fear that he would blurt it out. “Much less in your presence, Coach…”

“Out. With. It. NOW!” ordered Riko, cracking her knuckles as she took a step forward in Kagami’s direction.

“Ugh… Kuroko’s curse is… to get massively… turned on… every time he’s around his crush…” confessed Kagami, fully admitting defeat towards the demon-like demeanour Riko was directing solemnly at him.

“Turned on…? Kuroko?” repeated Izuki, laughter starting to creep up on his throat until he realized a particularity of the so-called curse. “Wait, every time he’s around his crush? Then… Does that mean the person he’s in love with… is currently inside of this gym?”

“Ah…” Kagami immediately averted everyone’s half curious, half completely flabbergasted expressions, his hands awkwardly rolling the motionless Murasakibara around against his crossed legs, too broken-hearted to complain about the rough handling on his body.

“He isn’t,” answered Akashi instead, one of his fingers pointing at himself.

“Eh…?” interjected the entire Seirin basketball team, Kagami included due to the fact that he had absolutely no knowledge that Akashi was aware that the person Kuroko was in love with was him.

“As I said, he isn’t,” repeated Akashi once again while releasing a soft sigh, pointing a couple more of times to himself with his index finger.

“EEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHH!?” loudly roared the whole team, Furihata toppling backwards on the floor in utter shock.

“Kuroko… P-Poor Kuroko…” sobbed Furihata, feeling more sorry towards Kuroko than he ever had before - even when taking into consideration all the gruesome training sessions he had been previously forced to withstand by Riko and the countless times his existence was completely ignored due to his perpetual lack of presence.

“T-Then… who are you crushing on, Akashi-kun…?” hesitantly inquired Riko, inwardly cringing so hard at this whole subject. “If you requested to have a joint practice with Seirin out of the blue, it must have been because you had a reason to, right? W-Which one of u-us are you c-crushing on…?”

“The one I hate can obviously only ever be Tetsuya!” announced Akashi, a knowing smirk (which was obviously being viewed as ‘evil’ by all onlookers) tugging at the corner of his lips. “Seijuurou also lacks such hatred towards him.”

“G-Good for you, Kuroko…” weakly babbled Furihata, slowly feeling his consciousness slipping away while being held against Fukuda’s lap. “K-Keep on running… for the rest of your… life… Gah…”

“F-Furihata…!” called Fukuda, slightly shaking Furihata’s shoulders after he passed out all of a sudden.

“So… um… Where’s Kuroko-kun right now?” asked Riko, now fully and so very worried about Kuroko’s well being and, most of all, future. “What happened to him?”

“Tetsuya was captured after I told him that I hated him and how much I wanted to rape him,” said Akashi, giving a quick shrug with his shoulders while releasing a soft saddened sigh.

“You’re scum…!” yelped both Seirin and Rakuzan basketball teams, all of them cringing extremely hard at the universe’s worst attempt at confessing one’s love to be coming from the one person who had always won and succeeded in everything he had done up until the previous school year, where he experienced defeat for the first time in his life when Rakuzan lost the Winter Cup final to Seirin.

Good thing Furihata-kun was already out when Akashi-kun said that, inwardly sighed Riko, softly massaging her temples with the pads of her fingers. Or we would have a second victim to go with the brokenhearted Kuroko-kun…