“If I were to give you a name right now,” started Murasakibara, a macaroon being munched by his tiny mouth and held in his tiny hands as he sideways glanced to Kagami. “It would be without a shadow of a doubt ‘insensitive asshole’.”
“Shut it! No one asked you for any opinion, now did they!?” roared Kagami, noisily slamming the wok he was using to cook some shrimp fried rice on the hob he was standing in front of. As he furiously mixed the rice and other ingredients with a spatula, he continuously grumbled, more to himself than to the tiny purple-haired male sitting on top of an already half-empty box of assorted macarons. “Shit, what the fuck is wrong with freaking Ahomine!? If someone should be pissed off here it’s me, who was used as a fucking trial date so that ‘Miss’ Aomine can go back to be ‘Mister’ Aomine! I wholeheartedly offered him my help, shattering my own heart in the process so that idiot can successfully confess to Kuroko and break his curse, but what did I get in return? A fucking ‘I hate you’ and ‘I don’t ever want to see you again’ slapped straight in the face. Kuroko’s passes in the gut have hurt me less than those words!!”
“Not only an ‘insensitive bastard’ but also ‘clueless’ and ‘dense’...” grumbled Murasakibara, rolling his bead-sized purple eyes around and releasing an exasperated sigh afterwards. Now that he understood the position that Kagami had in this whole story, he couldn’t help but sympathize with his former teammate and with the idiotic redhead. By the date invitation and his reactions before and throughout it, it was more than obvious that Aomine was in love with Kagami – and it seemed that Kagami also felt the exact same way towards him. “Ugh... Why the heck did things end up like this then...?”
“Hey, Murasakibara, enough sweets and eat some actual food,” said Kagami, turning off the hob with a little bit more strength than usual and taking the wok to the table that he had set for one (and a half). “Dinner’s ready and you might as well eat something more than sugar while we wait for Tatsuya to arrive.”
“As soon as Muro-chin gets here, we will be leaving right away, you hear me?” announced Murasakibara, a small glare on his eyes as he allowed himself to be picked up by the back of his clothes by Kagami and be transferred to the dining table. “Don’t go thinking that Muro-chin will stay for dinner.”
“Why not?” asked Kagami, an eyebrow slightly arched as he curiously peered down at Murasakibara. “He should eat some good food before returning all the way back to Akita once again. Ah, wait. Are you really sure you want to go back to Yosen already? Will it really help you break your curse being there?”
“That’s none of your business but the only thing I need is Muro-chin,” grumbled Murasakibara, taking a hold of a teaspoon and dipping it in a small dessert plate half-filled with fried rice. The spoon was still bigger than his mouth but quite useful to help him bring the rice to his mouth. “Whether in Tokyo, Akita or the Antarctic, if Muro-chin is there then there’s no problem at all~”
“You seem to be quite fond of Tatsuya, even though you were punching and yelling at each other during Seirin vs Yosen match,” pointed out Kagami, sitting down on his seat and readily starting to wolf down the fried rice – he had eaten quite a lot of food while out with Aomine but it seemed that the complicated and extremely stressful situation between the two of them had enlarged his appetite even further.
“Weeell~” smugly acknowledged Murasakibara after having wolfed down a mouthful of fried rice. “Muro-chin and I are suuuuuper close to one another, you know? Far more than you two are! Much, much, much more! Actually, I should be the one who gets to be called his younger brother, not you.”
“Huh!?” interjected Kagami, a vein popping out on his forehead as he slammed his closed fist against the surface of the table. “What’s up with that!? Tatsuya and I have known each other since we were kids and we have pledged our brotherhood through matching rings! Have you done that with him too? No way you have! You haven’t even known each other for as long as we have!”
“Grr…” Growling slightly at Kagami’s taunting words, Murasakibara put on his face the most threatening glare that he could at that moment and under his current physical circumstances. He sluggishly got up and used all the strength that he had on his body to throw the teaspoon against Kagami’s face, who yelped in pain with the impact and surprise of such action. “Fine! You want to be his younger brother? Be my guest! I’ll give him a ring and make him my bride! Brides have much more importance than brothers so it’s your loss there!!”
“Like hell it’s my lo— Wait, what!?” started roaring back Kagami at the tiny, puny purple-haired male sticking his microscopic tongue at him, but when the words being thrown at him truly sank in, he put a stop to his yelling and just stared completely flabbergasted to Murasakibara. “Huh? Bride? What are you— EHHHHHHHH!?!?!?!?”
“What? Do you have a problem with that?” asked Murasakibara with a sulking voice, crossing his arms over his chest and leisurely dropping his body back down to the table. “I will let you know right away that our marriage will have no ‘speak now or forever hold your peace’ because I could care less what others have to say about it.”
“…” Minute after minute passed by, Kagami silently staring at the pouting Murasakibara with his mouth wide open. Once his brain ‘rebooted’ after having ‘crashed’, he dropped his body back to his chair and put his elbows on the table, a deep frown on his features as he closely thought about everything. “Is perhaps the Generation of Miracles so ridiculously strong because all of you are gay? No, wait, I have no idea who Midorima likes so I can’t be 100% sure on it but if he also follows this trend, then what? Is he in love with Takao or something like that? Did the crappy biological advances that your bodies display alters your mating thoughts and now you seek those that stand on the same level in physical terms in order to successfully copulate and leave descendants behind? Wait, wait, wait… Does that mean… that if you have sex with Tatsuya, he’ll get pregnant? Kuroko will have Akashi’s demonic babies? The Generation of Miracles will procreate and expand and eventually rule the world!!”
“Kagami, I think you need to stop thinking with your stupid brain right about now before an accident happens…” groaned Murasakibara, rolling his eyes around at how idiotic Kagami's whole discourse sounded. “I didn’t get half of what you said, but you’re right. I like Muro-chin, Aka-chin and Kuro-chin like each other, Kise-chin stalks that senpai of his, Mido-chin… yeah, he’s probably in love with Takao. And Mine-chin… It’s painfully obvious who it is even if you are stupid enough not to see it.”
“Then, does that mean that you can really get Tatsuya pregnant if you two have sex!?” yelped Kagami, leaning his upper body forward and putting his face closer to Murasakibara, completely ignorant of what that last bit of his sentence truly implied.
“I will leave that to your imagination~” teasingly said Murasakibara, a mischievous smirk on his lips. However, as soon as he realized what he himself had said, an expression of utter disgust and repugnance appeared on his features. “Ew! Don’t! Don’t you ever dare to imagine me and Muro-chin having sex!”
“Why would I do something as traumatizing as that!?” roared Kagami, withdrawing his upper body from near Murasakibara’s tiny frame, an expression of disgust also twisting his face. “Fuck no! I can’t even imagine Kuroko having sex with Akashi, and he has been walking around me while sporting a boner underneath his clothes for two days now! But imagining you and Tatsuya having s-s-sex…!? Uh-uh! No way! Screw that shit! Don’t try to dirty my mind with your own perversions!”
“Oh c’mon… It’s not like you never fantasized about having sex with Mine-chin, right?” pointed out Murasakibara, once again rolling his eyes around as he leaned forward and grabbed a handful of the fried rice, readily putting it in his mouth with his now greasy hands.
“…!” Face exploding in a myriad of shades of red, some even darker than the colouring of his hair, Kagami readily averted Murasakibara’s gaze.
“Eh~ Nasty~” taunted Murasakibara, a knowing smirk on his lips as he amusingly observed the dead embarrassed redhead. “You like Mine-chin so be careful to not end up pregnant~ …Or get Mine-chin pregnant… As things stand, I have no idea how it would go.”
“Jesus Christ, don’t imagine that either!!” roared Kagami, slamming his hands on the dining table and making the whole furniture trembled around at the impact. His face even redder than before, he gave a tentative peek at his front door and then started to grumble to himself, “Where the heck is Tatsuya…? He should have arrived by now… Goddammit, now it should be his cue to suddenly show up and take his pest with him…”
“Hey! I heard that!” complained Murasakibara, throwing a little piece of shrimp at Kagami but not being able to hit his body with it. “I want to see Muro-chin arriving just as much as you do! I’m sick of having to look at your ugly mug. I want my Muro-chin! Muro-chin, help me~! Save me from this dense idiot and his dirty thoughts with Mine-chin!”
“Well, this dense idiot with an ugly mug who has dirty thoughts about ‘Mine-chin’ has just confiscated your food for an undefined period of time,” grumbled Kagami, grudgingly snatching the small plate from in front of Murasakibara and holding it in the air out of reach of the smaller version of the once gigantic male. “Go cry to your precious ‘Muro-chin’ but I’m definitely not giving it back to you. EVER!”
“Stingy…” cursed Murasakibara under his breath, averting Kagami’s annoyed glare and the plate with delicious food floating above his body. “That’s why you are bound to be a virgin for the rest of your life…”
“Hahaha, says the midget who got cursed because he can’t even confess to the guy he likes!” scoffed Kagami, a vein popping and angrily throbbing on his forehead. “Who’s the one bound to be a virgin for life now, huh?”
“Grrr… Bonehead!” barked Murasakibara, a deep glare on his purple eyes.
“Cookie monster!” barked back Kagami, slamming the small plate back to the table but not releasing it.
“Pea-brain!” barked once again Murasakibara, getting up from his sitting position and yelling at the top of his lungs.
“Ah-hah! You really think of nothing but food, don’t you, Murasakibara?” laughed Kagami, pointing the index finger of his free hand at the tiny purple-haired male. “Be careful because I don’t think Tatsuya has a fat fetish, taking into consideration all of his previous girlfriends!”
“…” Hearing those words, Murasakibara readily closed his mouth shut and turned his back at Kagami, his hands clenched into tiny tight fists. “I know that! I don’t need to be told that by you to know it! I’m quoting Mine-chin now… Go die, you idiot…”
“Ah… S-Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that…” quickly apologized Kagami, a pained stab on his heart as he was reminded of the words that the person he loved had told him not even a couple of hours ago. “This whole thing with Aomine kinda got under my skin and… I guess I’ve been taking it out on you since you’re the only one around at the moment. The whole thing going around Kuroko and Akashi also doesn’t help with the continuous terrible ball handling and ‘missiles’ thrown against my body… I’m sorry, Murasakibara.”
“…” He remained silent for a couple of minutes, breaking out of it once again as he sat down of the table one more time, though his back remained directed towards Kagami. “Well, I guess it is… By the way, why did Kuro-chin’s curse was to get turned on every time he’s around Aka-chin and not something along the lines of getting invisible?”
“Ahahaha! I asked myself that too!” acknowledged Kagami, a huge grin on the face as he pushed the small plate to in front of Murasakibara once again, who was slowly turning around to face him. “Do you think Kuroko is secretly a closeted pervert?”
“It’s Kuro-chin we are talking about here,” pointed out Murasakibara, taking a hold of a pea and starting to munch it. “He could be an alien from another universe or a secret agent from a powerful assassins guild and we would never know of any of it. So if he’s a closeted pervert or not… I guess only Aka-chin will know, once they solve it out between themselves.”
“Yeah, I guess so,” sighed Kagami, picking up his chopsticks and resuming with the eating of his own (gigantic) serving of fried rice. “I want to help Kuroko here, mainly because it’s a literal pain in the ass to play basketball with him right now, but… Akashi would probably gut me if I did something wrong… wouldn’t he?”
“Yes, I can see Aka-chin definitely killing you in the most original of ways if you make the wrong move about their relationship…” acknowledged Murasakibara, a shudder running down his spine at such a thought. “I-I think we should avoid doing anything about the two of them for the time being…”
“Agreed…”
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